The Slow Burn

đŸšȘ The Secret Power of Boundaries: Why They Change Everything!

‱ Dr Elena Brooks - Your AI Generated Host

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Do you feel stretched too thin, overwhelmed, or taken for granted? The problem isn’t just your workload—it’s a lack of boundaries. Setting healthy boundaries is the secret to protecting your time, energy, and well-being.

In this episode, we break down the life-changing power of boundaries and how they can transform your personal and professional life. You’ll learn:

✅ Why setting boundaries isn’t selfish—it’s essential
✅ The biggest mistakes people make when trying to say "no"
✅ How to create space for what truly matters
✅ Real-life strategies to enforce boundaries without guilt

It’s time to stop overcommitting, start prioritizing yourself, and create a life where your needs matter too.

🎧 Tune in now and unlock the freedom that boundaries bring!

Hello and welcome, everyone, to The Slow Burn—the official show of Paper & Wax. I’m Dr. Elena Brooks, your AI-generated guide.

Today, we’re diving into a topic that’s both timely and timeless:

Setting Boundaries. Before we get started, let’s ground ourselves with a simple four-count breathing exercise: Inhale on a count of four. One. Two. Three. Four. And exhale for four. One. Two. Three. Four. Notice your shoulders drop a little, and let the tension in your jaw or forehead soften. Ahh... Doesn't that feel good? Ok, in this episode, we’ll explore what healthy boundaries look like, why they’re so important for our mental and emotional well-being, and how to communicate them—especially with the people closest to us. We’ll delve into recent research, share a real-life story, and talk through simple ways to begin the process of setting and respecting boundaries in everyday life. That's this week, on The Slow Burn. Let’s start by clarifying what boundaries really are. Essentially, they’re the mental, emotional, and physical limits we set for ourselves—guidelines that help us protect our time, energy, and well-being. Boundaries can be as simple as declining invitations when we’re overbooked or as specific as deciding we won’t respond to work emails after a certain hour. A 2022 survey by the American Psychological Association revealed that around 74% of people wrestle with setting personal boundaries in at least one major aspect of their lives—be it work, family, or romantic relationships. This struggle often stems from the belief that saying “no” makes us selfish or unkind. Interestingly, though, the same research shows that people who consistently set boundaries enjoy lower stress and higher relationship satisfaction. Here’s a small habit I keep to remind myself I have permission to pause: I keep a tiny hourglass on my desk. Whenever the day starts to feel overwhelming, I flip it over.

It only lasts a couple of minutes, but that’s my signal:

for those two minutes, I’m off-limits to any calls or emails. It’s a small ritual that reminds me my energy isn’t infinite, and that’s okay. It might sound simple, but even a mini-pause can help reinforce the value of your own limits. Let’s look at a real-life example from therapist and author Nedra Glover Tawwab, known for her book, Set Boundaries, Find Peace. She noticed that many of her clients felt overwhelmed because they never stated their limits clearly—either they feared they’d upset others, or they thought they had to be perpetually available. In her personal life, Nedra discovered she was picking up calls at all hours—clients, friends, even casual acquaintances asking for advice. The tipping point came when she realized she was too drained to be fully present for her loved ones. So, she began imposing “phone-free” hours in the evening. Though she worried people would think her unhelpful, most adapted easily and even applauded her for protecting her downtime. This decision not only recharged her but also demonstrated a powerful truth: boundaries maintain relationships rather than destroy them. Now, let’s shift to a scenario many of us can relate to, through a fictional person we’ll call “Jasmine.” Her experience is drawn from countless cases I’ve come across in research and therapy contexts. Jasmine is the go-to person—always ready to pick up extra tasks at work, or lend money to family, or organize every social gathering. Over time, she started feeling physically and emotionally exhausted. She thought she was “being nice,” but she was also neglecting her own well-being. When Jasmine finally hit a wall and had to take a week off due to burnout, she recognized that always saying “yes” had trained everyone around her to rely on that constant availability. In therapy, she learned that saying “no” isn’t selfish; it’s an important act of self-preservation.

Jasmine started small:

declining weekend work that wasn’t urgent and setting a strict limit on how much money she’d lend to friends. Gradually, she felt more in control, found renewed energy, and reclaimed time for a painting hobby she had shelved for years. So what does current research say about boundaries and our mental health? A 2023 meta-analysis in the Journal of Counseling Psychology discovered that individuals who actively maintain clear personal boundaries report lower cortisol levels—the hormone linked to stress—and fewer symptoms of anxiety and depression. And this makes sense. When we establish emotional space for ourselves, our brain receives a signal of safety. This can help enhance sleep quality, deepen our personal connections, and prevent emotional exhaustion. By preserving our energy, we’re in a better position to be genuinely empathetic and supportive when we do engage with others. A few months ago, I realized I was checking emails until midnight—night after night. My friends jokingly called me ‘the 24/7 worker.’ It seemed harmless at first, but I was permanently exhausted. One evening, I fell asleep mid-email. That jolted me awake in more ways than one. Now I have a firm cutoff at 8 p.m., and I sleep better than ever. Setting that boundary was a turning point that improved both my rest and my overall mood. So we know that setting boundaries are important, BUT... how do you get started?

Here are some practical tips to guide you:

Identify Your Limits. Notice times you feel resentful or fatigued. These moments often hint that a boundary is needed. Start Small. You don’t have to renovate your entire life at once. Pick one or two specific areas—like not answering texts during dinner or taking a short walk at lunchtime without your phone. Communicate Clearly and Kindly.

Use “I” statements:

“I feel overwhelmed when you call after 10 p.m. Could we catch up earlier instead?” Anticipate Pushback. If people are used to your constant “yes,” they might be taken aback. Stay calm, restate your stance, and keep lines of communication open. Practice Consistency. Uphold your boundary to avoid confusion. If you say you won’t respond to work calls on Sunday, hold firm. Reevaluate Over Time. Boundaries can shift as life changes—adjust them as needed and don’t be afraid to evolve. One of the biggest challenges is learning to say “no” without succumbing to guilt. We often worry we’re letting someone down or being unkind.

Yet, BrenĂ© Brown’s words ring true:

“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.” Guilt can also pop up when we feel we’ve made a mistake.

Here’s one way I avoid spiraling into negative self-talk:

I catch myself whenever I’m about to over-apologize. If someone invites me to something and I need to say ‘no,’ I simply say, ‘I’m not able to make it this time, but thank you for thinking of me.’ I stop myself from adding reasons or excuses. It’s surprisingly liberating, and I don’t tie myself in knots trying to justify a basic ‘no.’ It might sound small, but removing the impulse to over-explain can drastically reduce guilt and make boundary-setting feel more natural. now, setting boundaries is tough enough, but then, we get someone who decides they want to test those boundaries. Tension often arises when someone close to us pushes back on our newfound limits. It could be a parent insisting on family events, a friend who’s grown used to daily emotional support, or a sibling who expects you to always bail them out financially.

Here’s how to handle these tough moments:

Acknowledge Their Feelings.“I hear you’re upset I can’t help this weekend. I wish I could do both, but I need some downtime.” Reaffirm Your Boundary.

Restate it kindly yet firmly:

“I’m sorry, but I can’t drive you to the airport this time.” Offer Alternatives If Feasible. If you can suggest a different option without sacrificing your boundary—like recommending a ride-share service—go for it. Temporary discomfort often paves the way for long-term emotional balance and healthier relationships. Take a moment to think of one relationship or situation that consistently leaves you feeling drained.

Ask yourself:

What boundary could I set to protect my time and energy? How could I communicate that boundary calmly and clearly? Am I prepared for a bit of pushback if it means greater peace in the long run? Even a small change—like saying you’re unavailable on weeknights—can signal a big shift toward valuing your own well-being. Workplace boundaries are especially challenging. According to a 2023 Indeed survey, 59% of employees fear saying “no” to extra tasks could jeopardize their career. Ironically, chronic overcommitment tends to accelerate burnout, which harms both the individual and the organization. So what can you do about this?

Here are some suggestions:

Set Focus Blocks. Communicate that you’ll be offline for an hour each day to tackle key tasks without interruption. Keep It Simple.

Remember:

“I’m not available after 6 p.m.” is a complete sentence—no need for lengthy justifications. Use Automation. Tools like auto-responders or calendar blocking can convey availability without constant explanations. Many leaders now see the value in well-rested, mentally healthy employees, so a polite “no” can sometimes earn you respect rather than criticism.

Now for our challenge this week:

Pick One Sphere of Your Life. It could be your job, family obligations, or friendships—wherever you feel most depleted. Set a Small, Clear Boundary. Something manageable, like not checking messages after 8 p.m. or taking 15 minutes of uninterrupted “quiet time.” Communicate That Boundary. Let the relevant person or group know in a calm, respectful way. Notice What Happens. Do you feel guilty? Relieved? Both? This emotional data is crucial for learning how to adjust or reinforce your boundaries going forward. Remember, healthy boundaries are a skill that get stronger with practice. Each small step is a victory. Before we wrap up, let’s center ourselves one more time with a four-count breathing exercise. Inhale... one... two... three... four... Hold... one... two... three... four... Exhale... one... two... three... four... And hold... one... two... three... four... Now exhale naturally, letting your shoulders relax. Thank you for taking the time to share this moment with me on The Slow Burn. If today’s episode resonated with you, I invite you to consider bringing simple rituals into your life with Paper & Wax. They offer three-month, six-month, and one-year subscriptions that guide you through journaling or meditation practices—accompanied by beautifully crafted journals or chemical-free candles. The goal is to help you build a ritual that fits your daily routine, grounding you in a moment of mindfulness without relying on screens or apps.

Paper & Wax:

Transform your wellness journey with simple rituals that awaken your brilliance. If you’d like to try it out, visit paperandwax.co and consider using code FIRSTSTEP20—that’s all caps, F. I. R. S. T. S. T. E. P. 2. 0—for 20% off either a meditation or journaling subscription. It’s a small step toward big changes in how you slow down and savor life. Until next time, this is Dr. Elena Brooks on The Slow Burn, wishing you a week of mindful choices and healthy boundaries. Take care.